Partial distortion of grape udders

How to draw an island

2012-01-31T08:00:00.000-07:00

In order to properly draw an island, one must have a strong background of the fundamental elements that ultimately make up this piece of earth surrounded by water. Let me walk you through those necessary components.

First off... this is what we are after. A photo realistic drawing of an island.

For starters, you must have learned to master the shape of the roller coaster volcano. Preferably the one with the neon "V-CANO!" sign.

Some may think this next step can be easily overlooked, but the proper "helicoptered giant lawn gnome volcano plug" should NOT be ignored.

You might begin to see how all these start to take shape in this next step. (Note the randomly placed numbers and letters. Very important.)

And lastly, don't forget the importance of the wale greeting a goldfish in a bag. Lives have been lost over the neglect of this last important piece.

And there you have it! You can now draw an island perfectly. Congratulations. Your certificate will be mailed to you in 5-89 days after the next leap year with 2 solar eclipses.

How did I get sand in there?!

2011-11-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

One day, I decided to walk to the nearest beach and make a sand castle. Unfortunately, Idaho is not known for having a plethora of sandy beaches. But fortunately, I enjoy running all the way to California now and then.

As I began my bi-pedal journey, I decided to start sketching some ideas of what my sand castle would look like once I arrived.

Ah, yes. What a beauty! I drew this while running, you know.

More beach-a-rific sketches to keep my interest up!

Look! I even drew a princess in that tower up there!

Dragons sure are cool. With their fire, and claws and... oh wait... I'm supposed to be drawing castles. Um, yeah.

Ok, yeah! See! Dragons go with castles! Er... Aligator-looking dragons. And so do side swimming pools. For all the royal pool parties.

...and umbrellas. We wouldn't want the royal king to get a royal sun burn. (Never mind the giant, frenzied dragon that hangs around the castle. I'm sure he won't bother anyone.)

Just in time for winter

2011-11-01T08:00:00.000-06:00

Yes, I'm back. After quite a long hiatus, and finally getting back into the swing of things, I've decided to enter the blogging world again. You will find the same amount of intrigue, suspense, and mystifying humor only previously found on the backs of Cap'n Crunch boxes. I have more sketches to share, fun to impart, and words to type.

Last year I had the wonderful opportunity to be offered employment at internationally known company Curious Media. I've participated in many projects, and have drawn many things. I have now 2,482 work notebooks full of sketches that would only astound modern science, as well as befuddle the great minds of the world.

But I decided to burn them all and post pictures of snow cone machines, instead.

These are your average snow cone/heart monitoring machines. Fairly common place.

Knowing that snow cones always taste better when a beaver chips the ice for you, I decided to try this version.

Because of my recent trip to Plus-Size Bed, Bath and Beyond, I had an abundance of gigantic cheese graters that needed to be put to good use.

The snowmen could loose a few pounds anyways.

Wait a second... Is this a new post?

2011-10-31T21:46:00.000-06:00

Yes.

Yes it is.

Expect more.

More Wednesday Comics

2010-09-08T22:37:00.000-06:00

In case you have been wishing on a star for more comics about flowers, ray guns, and strange bean-worm looking guys, you are in luck! Head over to Ray Gun and Flower & The Beanworm Guys comic pages for craziness, silliness, and a kick in the pants.

Pardon the mess

2010-08-12T01:47:00.000-06:00

For those that are actually still paying attention to this blog, you will notice some changes in the near future to the look and feel of it. It will start to look different, and it will start to feel more like a bean bag. Pardon me for the mess as I play with some features and settings.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #60

2010-08-02T17:32:00.000-06:00

Once there was a Monday. And once there was a staff meeting on that Monday. And once there was a doodle drawn in that staff meeting on that Monday. And once there was a scan of that doodle from that staff meeting on that Monday. And once there was a post of that scan from that staff meeting on that Monday.

And once there was M.N.S.M.S. #60.

It's missing a little something from the top.

2009-12-19T17:44:00.001-07:00

Wishing you the best, from P.D.o.G.U.! Although, I'm not sure where that star is...

Illustration Friday: Crunchy

2009-12-08T13:30:00.001-07:00

I guess robots are rather tasty.

Illustration Friday: Music

2009-11-25T17:49:00.000-07:00

I can sing this good too.

Illustration Friday: Blur

2009-11-09T17:32:00.003-07:00

If you cross your eyes, look through the image, and violently shake your head, you might see it move. Or get a headache. Or both.

Ooooo, mysterious...

2009-07-02T10:14:00.003-06:00

How to protect your cranium whilst playing bball

2009-03-19T11:56:00.002-06:00

Thanks to csswizardry for the idea.

PS. I'm still not back to posting. But enjoy this random post, nonetheless.

It has come to this...

2009-02-09T14:16:00.005-07:00

Well, out of much deliberation and self analysis, I have come to a momentous decision... Partial Distortion of Grape Udders will no longer be updated and will be going on a long term hiatus. The site will continue to stay up, and visitors will be able to browse through the archives at their leisure, but I will not be posting any more material until an undisclosed future time.

I've come to this conclusion with a heavy heart, but feel like it is time. With the lack of posts for the past few months, I guess it was inevitable. So, with this last post, I thank you for following, reading, and viewing, and wish you a fond farewell. Until next time, may all your grape udders be only partial distorted.

Quickinks to my...
Sketchbook
Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketches
Polls
Silly Putty Close-Ups
Comics

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #59

2009-02-02T22:49:00.002-07:00

I'm pretty sure that waiting lines are an indicator of intelligent life in the galaxy. I mean, really,... do you ever see caribou line up when you're at Burger King? I rest my case.

In honor of it being 2009, I give you happy 9 blob. It's happy. It's a blob. And it can run the 100 meter dash in 9 seconds.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #58

2009-01-12T20:23:00.003-07:00

One of the favorite things snowmen love to do when it childrens is build childrenmen. Although, it's always sad to see them melt a few weeks later.

This guy has an idea. He's just not sure what to do with it...

Who? What? Why? Quote. When?

Merry Christmas from P.D.o.G.U.!

2008-12-24T14:00:00.003-07:00

Enjoy this little animated cartoon. Merry Christmas!

At least it's not a piano

2008-12-17T13:31:00.001-07:00

Feel free to check out more bean-worm action at SmackJeeves!

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #57

2008-11-24T18:31:00.002-07:00

With Thanksgiving this week, I'd like to dedicate some time to things to be thankful for.

He's thankful that he found his belt. And his hat.

These three thumbnails are grateful for dental floss.

This guy is thankful for all-wheel drive and anti-lock brakes.

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #57

2008-11-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

It was in the 1920s, when nobody had time to reflect, that I saw a still-life painting with a flower that was perfectly exquisite, but so small you really could not appreciate it.
Georgia O'Keeffe

That's a really interesting story. To bad it was boring.
Cluster T. Uva

More pain

2008-11-19T14:20:00.004-07:00

So, what's been happening with that pig and chicken, you ask? Well...

Feel free to check out more Fram action at SmackJeeves!

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #56

2008-10-23T15:52:00.003-06:00

All art is but imitation of nature.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Except for Salvador Dali. His stuff is just weird.
Cluster T. Uva

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #56

2008-10-20T21:49:00.015-06:00

I'd like to highlight a few rare animals that are spotted on occasion at our staff meetings.

This fine fellow is an easy one to spot with its 7 iron-club back-end appendage. Each male is born with a felt saddle on his back that can soak up to 400 pounds of Miracle Whip each year. His favorite pencil lead is an HB, and sudden movements cause him to sing a cappella.

This fine specimen is easily recognizable with it's dual umbrella growths protruding out of her head and tail. The 3 bands around her neck make wonderful coasters if removed before midnight.

With the thick monobrow, 3 nostrils, and blue party streamers hanging from his wings, this wonderful creature is a rare treat. With a single sashay-like movement, he can dig a hole the size of the Grand Canyon.

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #55

2008-10-16T21:37:00.002-06:00

Things are beautiful if you love them.
Jean Anouilh

But, if love is blind, how on Earth are you supposed to see the beautiful? Well, maybe that's why they invented perfume.
Cluster T. Uva

Protects you from the elements

2008-10-15T14:25:00.000-06:00

That flower is sure to out smart that ray gun this time!

Oh, well.

Feel free to check out more Zotting action at SmackJeeves!

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #55

2008-10-13T22:20:00.001-06:00

So, I've been in a pen-depression. I can't seem to find the proper doodling device that will allow me to draw encumbered. However, we still had a staff meeting today, and I grabbed the closest thing near me... a *gasp* roller ball point pen.

Needless to say, my drawings weren't impressed with it. Well, except for this delightful bear.

The return of Silly Putty Close-up Thursday!

2008-10-09T07:36:00.004-06:00

You all might have been wondering where close-ups of Silly Putty every Thursday have been. In fact, you all might have started a protest by not eating anything that begins with the letter "T" until you get some Silly Putty Close-ups on Thursday! Well, break out the tomatoes and twinkies, cause P.D.o.G.U. presents the Return of Silly Putty Close-ups!!

The real fact of the matter is that the old eggs of Silly Putty had way too many fibers and lint in them, and it was beginning to even challenge my incredible Photoshop Healing Brush Tool skills. So, I got a new egg...

Now is that a thing o' beauty?! Even those kids on the outside are excited about S.P.C.u.Th. Let's open it, shall we?

Oooo, look at the beautiful flesh colored blob. So polished and smooth... Maybe I should take a closer look...

Ah, what a beauty! Magnificent! But I think we should take it out of the egg and see if there are any facinating anomalies on the other side.

Whoa! Would you look at that! Amazing! It's like the surface of another planet! I've literally stepped off the Earth and have entered terrain unbeknownst to man. Maybe I can get a better shot from a different angle...

Ah, there we go... wait a second. What is that. Hey, you! Get out of the picture! You're ruining the shot! Hey...

...Oh, It's YOU! Get out of here!! Scram! You are in the wrong blog! Go back to Dan's Toy Museum where you belong! Sheesh! Sorry about that eveyone. We'll have this all cleared up by next week.

I hope.

Not a lawnmower either

2008-10-08T00:14:00.001-06:00

Feel free to check out more bean-worm action at SmackJeeves!

The sword is mightier than the flower

2008-10-01T23:23:00.000-06:00

Hey, let's take a look at our favorite ray gun and flower. Maybe he'll have a good experience this time.

Feel free to check out more Zotting action at SmackJeeves!

Webcomic Wednesday revised. Deal with it.

2008-09-24T09:41:00.002-06:00

Ok, so Webcomic Wednesday has been, how should I put it, ...a bust. I lasted, like, 3 weeks or something, right? (Mummy and Clown just never had a chance, right?) Well, time to revise the original plan a bit, because I actually enjoy doing these. Instead of doing all 4 every Wednesday, I'll pick one of the 4 and post the new one here. You can still catch the archives of each comic on SmackJeeves, but for your convenience, I'll just post the one here on P.D.o.G.U.

Today, we take a look at what's up with the pig and the chicken on the fram... I mean farm. Last we saw chicken running around with his head on fire. Now that's exciting.

Feel free to check out more Fram action at SmackJeeves!

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #54

2008-09-22T19:00:00.002-06:00

Aw, that poor boy lost his favorite army figure down the mouth of a sharp-toothed, hungry monster. I wonder what he will do?

Limited addition prints will be available in the near future of this fine art piece called "Sprinklers are the bane of my existence." Only $199.37. Plus shipping and handling.

We close with the soft shrill of sirens in the background as we watch the skyline for bat-shaped airplanes. See any yet?

Put on your favorite hat

2008-09-16T10:57:00.003-06:00

So, things have been pretty slow as of late here at P.D.o.G.U. But let me reassure you that I have not been hit in the face with a giant boulder and lost interest in this blog. On the contrary, I am ever mindful of the dross that is here and not here. So, I will double my current efforts to provide more wonderful content. Feel free to add your name to those that follow this blog, or subscribe to the RSS feed so you won't miss a single, death-defying post.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #53

2008-08-25T21:16:00.002-06:00

Sometime, deciphering hieroglyphics can be a tricky task.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #52

2008-08-18T20:00:00.000-06:00

In light of the Olympic games going on right now, I'd like to talk about the finer points of the lesser know sport, Bowling Ball Catching.

Bowling Ball Catching spectators are a most devoted group. They will sit motionless for weeks outside the stadium, just waiting to enter. In fact, it's been rumored that some of these fans are actually cardboard statues placed by athletes to help promote a fan base. These allegations have not been confirmed yet.

The Bowling Ball Shooters are made up of metal, wood, and used chewing gum. They have long stood as symbols of power, accuracy and fresh breath.

The wonderful athletes that participate start training at a very young age, when brain function hasn't been developed yet. And since they each only have the capacity to participate once, they usually aren't able to answer any post game questions.

Scoring in the sport of Bowling Ball Catching is quite mysterious, and no one is absolutely sure how to decipher the judges final results after each match. On rare occasions, fans are able to spot what looks like a silhouette of Elvis in these results, which calls out an automatic win for contestants that have a similar shadow puppet silhouette.

SIDE NOTE: I'm still having issues with my pens bleeding. Help. I refuse to work under these conditions.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #51

2008-07-28T21:56:00.007-06:00

Is it just me, or do most of my sketches involve a buck-tooth, goofy-looking guys? Ah well... Here's a buck-tooth, goofy-looking guy just for you!

Sketch Fact #241: Nothing hinders my sketching desire like a pen that bleeds into the paper. Blah. I've been noticing this for the past couple weeks since I purchased my new drawing utensils. Just look at this guy! He's not even supposed to be hairy. Or fuzzy. Or haizzy. Ugh. What ever shall I do? Well, I started thinking...

...I decided to do a timed experiment right at the climax of our Monday Staff Meeting. Here we have 4 different dots, all directly produced by the pen tip resting on the paper for a specific amount of time. We have 5 seconds, 10 seconds, 20 seconds, and the big dog, 30 seconds. Quite fascinating, isn't it! But wait there's more!

Here is the next page underneath the page I conducted my test on! The 30 second dot clearly has the most soakage, but it is interesting to point out that the 5 and 10 second dots look nearly identical!

Yes, I was still paying attention to the staff meeting business. I think.

Ah, ha!! Look at this discovery on the 3rd page under the original testing page. More ink dots! In fact, the 10 second has broken up into two distinct marks. And if you know anything about reading ink-dot-soakage-marks, you would be able to predict what you will be having for dinner in 40 years. Now I know.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #50

2008-07-21T21:12:00.005-06:00

Happy 50th Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch everyone! To celebrate, here's some more stuff!

Here's one of those rare moments where I'm actually doing something half way productive while attending the prestigious Monday morning meeting we have. Yes, those are website wire frame thumbnails. Except for that thing commenting.

I think this guy's just paranoid. Or maybe not...

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #49

2008-07-14T22:01:00.000-06:00

Have you ever heard of Mr Men? Well, I decided they were missing a few characters, and filled in the gap. (Click on it to get a bigger picture.)

Web Comic Wednesday #3

2008-07-09T17:10:00.004-06:00

We are back! Enjoy today's comics! (Mummy and Clown will, again, be a little bit late.)

Living on a fram
The Beanworm Guys
Ray gun and flower
Mummy and Clown

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #48

2008-07-07T21:55:00.000-06:00

As I have mentioned before, I have been in need of a new pen. My old pen drew it's last line just a little bit ago, and I'm finding it hard to get a decent replacement. I especially hate the ones that let the paper soak up all it's wonderful ink. Bah! Humbug!

I'm thinking these fellas might make an appearance one day in Ray Gun and Flower. Although, they are quite complicated to draw.

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #54

2008-07-03T09:31:00.000-06:00

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Emile Zola

I just hope I don't get socks again.
Cluster T. Uva

I predict a Battlestar

2008-07-02T11:02:00.002-06:00

We interrupt this Web Comic Wednesday for a special Wednesday Music Video. (Since I spent time creating this little piece, and not doing web comics, they will return next week.) Enjoy!

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #47

2008-06-30T22:51:00.002-06:00

I now present to you... action monkey shot and arrow through the head guy. This has been brought to you by Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketches! Enjoy one today!

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #53

2008-06-26T10:00:00.003-06:00

It's all the same to me. I must keep the first impression fresh. If it is lost, I must find it again.
Otto Dix

Look in between the couch cushions. That's where I usually find stuff that's lost.
Cluster T. Uva

Web Comic Wednesday #2

2008-06-25T16:50:00.000-06:00

It's time! Enjoy today's comics! (Mummy and Clown will still be a little bit late, so relax.)

Living on a fram
The Beanworm Guys
Ray gun and flower
Mummy and Clown

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #46

2008-06-23T22:00:00.000-06:00

Here's how Cloudy's theme song goes... "Cloudy, Cloudy, up in the sky. Where the wind blows way up high. Cloudy, Cloudy he's real neat. But don't eat food, now, with your feet. Cloudy!! The happy cloud!" Everybody sing along!!!... "Cloudy, Cloudy..."

If you ever need to do some in-home plumbing yourself, be on the lookout for this hum-dinger. (I'm still not sure what it does, so don't ask.)

Mechanical "Zip-bots" are getting a bit out of control where I work. They always are zooming about, and I think they keep stealing my pencils.

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #52

2008-06-19T10:00:00.003-06:00

Everyone has talent at 25. The difficulty is to have it at 50.
Edgar Degas

You could always save half of it, and roll it into a high yielding investment account, so by the time you're 50, you will actually have more talent than you did at 25.
Cluster T. Uva

Web Comic Wednesday #1

2008-06-18T14:28:00.004-06:00

Welcome to the first post of Web Comic Wednesday! Here are links to this weeks comics. The only problem I encountered was not having enough ink/pen to do a Mummy and Clown strip, so that might be a couple days late. But the other three are up for viewing. Enjoy!

Living on a fram
The Beanworm Guys
Ray gun and flower

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #45

2008-06-16T22:00:00.000-06:00

Oh, I think she missed brushing that left bicuspid.

This could be the new logo for Bob's Happy Burger on 12th and Main, or just some random shapes. You make the call.

This image was found in the basement of my work establishment, carved into the foundation with rudimentary tools. Some of the top professionals have looked this over and determined that who ever did this, some 4,000 years ago, had very bad breath.

The fuse is lit

2008-06-13T15:35:00.004-06:00

Either everybody wants to see what an exploding head looks like, or you have decided to grant me some leeway with these comics. And apparently, no one had bacon on their mind.

So, this is how it will go, or at least how we will try it out until my head explodes... I now pronounce Wednesday as... Web comic Wednesday.

*cheer, applaud*

I will now take this moment to explain that I cannot guarantee that these web comics will contain comedic, humorous or even coherent gags. In fact, most will be rather obtuse, I'm sure. What else would you expect from a strip about a mummy and a clown? On the other hand, it may be such high comedy that it will be outside your sphere of understanding.

But I doubt it.

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #51

2008-06-12T10:00:00.002-06:00

One day it will have to be officially admitted that what we have christened reality is an even greater illusion than the world of dreams.
Salvador Dali

I think that happened back in March.
Cluster T. Uva

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #44

2008-06-09T23:36:00.003-06:00

Nothing like a cake in your face to start the day off right.

I took a moment and drew my arm. Well, ok... it's not really my arm... But if I were a super hero, this is what the design on my arm would look like.

Oh, now that's just great.

2008-06-06T22:49:00.004-06:00

Here's our results for our last poll, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, I wasn't thinking that one would actually win. Plus, I didn't get to lick an envelope.

But, to show that P.D.o.G.U. truly listens to all 8 of its viewers, I will now be doing 4 web comics. Yes, I am a man of my word. And I am not a lazy bum. Now, I never said HOW long I will be doing them, so we should probably clarify that. (Check out this weeks new poll.)

So, to clarify a few other things, after this weeks poll ends and we have the results, I will pick a day of the week and proclaim it Web Comic (day of the week). The 4 comics will be named...

1. Mummy and Clown
2. Living on a fram (Pig and chicken)
3. The Beanworm Guys
4. Ray Gun & Flower (formerly Lazer Gun and Flower)

They will be hosted by the same web site that brings you the world renown webcomic "Ulysses Chickens in the wind"

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #50

2008-06-05T07:30:00.000-06:00

You don't know how much artists go through to make it look so easy. It's all in the practice.
Lauryn Hill

For example, do you know how many hours it took me to get this Silly Putty pose? Like, a million.
Cluster T. Uva

Illustration Friday: Baby

2008-06-03T12:54:00.001-06:00

They can leave a mark if your not watching for them.

Hey, there's an amper in my sand!

2008-05-28T09:29:00.002-06:00

It was mentioned to me the other day how wonderful the italic Goudy Old Style ampersand looks. And I would have to agree. Ah... let's just take a minute and bask in the ampersand radiance.

Poll results

2008-05-23T10:28:00.005-06:00

Well, I've been putting it off long enough... I have a couple poll results to officially highlight and close. First of all, you might have noticed at the very bottom of the right column, a little poll titled "Pick a funny sentence" that's been hanging around for quite some time. Well, the results are in and it was a landslide decision. The funnier sentence is, indeed, "Yorkin, borkin." Feel free to use it 3 times a day for optimal results.

Secondlyish, it seems we have a 4 way tie with the poll "Which cartoon characters would you like to see in a new weekly web comic on P.D.o.G.U.?" Hmmmm, now this is quite a dilemma. I wasn't quite sure what to do, so I decided to open another poll asking what we should do with the results of this poll. Let your voice be heard and help me sort out this web comic mess!

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #43

2008-05-19T20:03:00.004-06:00

If I were a bear with spare change, and I came across a fountain, I would flip the coin in and wish for another coin.

Oh, dear me. I'm slightly embarrassed to post this horribly drawn Cluster T. Uva. Obviously, I didn't dedicate myself to the drawing. People, let this be a warning... If you are to draw a talking grape bunch with udders, do so with full purpose of heart. Or else, your drawing might start yelling at you.

Only 3 payments of $499.99! What a deal!

2008-05-14T11:51:00.002-06:00

I'm not sure, but I think this is why this site is requesting such a thing.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #42

2008-05-05T21:37:00.005-06:00

Oh, the wondrous amounts of money you can make with only a dog in a tutu and a bone hanging from a string. This guy found the secret to fame and fortune.

I'm still trying to figure out which one of these strange shapes is in front, which one is upside down, and which one took my wallet.

My hair was actually much, much bigger.

2008-04-30T14:47:00.005-06:00

There was a challenge to draw yourself as a teen, and it looked like fun. So here I am. Enjoy!

Someone's about to get squashed.

2008-04-30T10:04:00.003-06:00

I thought I'd share a picture of a visitor I had this morning when I got to work. He keeps looking over my shoulder, and making suggestions about the logo I'm working on, like "That's not going to reduce very well," or "Are you sure you want to use that color?"

It's getting rather annoying.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #41

2008-04-28T22:36:00.003-06:00

About half way through our meeting each Monday, this guy walks into the room, sings "I'm a little teacup," gives my boss a noogie, and then marches out. I sure wish he'd sing a different song.

Most people have a PDA, or a Blackberry, or an iPhone, but not me. I have a PDT (Personal Digital Thingy). It can do lots of things... like beep, and flash. I can push any of the 4 buttons on it, and I can even look at it. Yeah, it's pretty handy.

Photoration collaboshop

2008-04-22T14:22:00.005-06:00

I've participated in a little designer Photoshop collaboration, and thought I'd post my submission. Isn't it lovely. We each take turns and add to what the previous designer did, until we have a finished work of art. I added the blue image, which is a photo of a big garbage bin I took. I also added the "less" text and tweaked the text "I take the road..." I hear it might make it to the cover of either Print Magazine or Boy's Life.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #40

2008-04-21T21:50:00.005-06:00

It is a well know fact that all you have to do to get bumpy, bulbous skin is to apply soggy marshmallows all over your body each night before bed. And make sure the dog doesn't sleep on you bed either.

Our poll is really heating up now! And here to swing the vote to their favor are the bean worm guys! They are so excited that they just can't help but shout out their glee.

Along with my pen and paper, there are a few other very important things I usually take to staff meetings. Here are a few examples... and ice cream cone, a small hatchet, and dagger, and a carrot. Believe me, these are all necessities.

You should hear them play the trombone!

2008-04-18T13:24:00.004-06:00

Here's a logo I did for the world's greatest impromptu band, Queezy. ...Ok, so they really aren't world famous, but the do have a place on the web to hear their delightful tunes.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #39

2008-04-14T20:28:00.002-06:00

In case you haven't noticed, my new poll has an answer of "Mummy and Clown." Here's a sneak-peek of these two guys, just in case they become a weekly web comic.

This dog is sticking his tongue out because he wants to eat his dog food. And because he just had his tires rotated.

Need to find a good llama removal kit.

2008-04-11T15:34:00.008-06:00

I thought it might be time to do two things today. First, to do a new poll, second, to remove the llama from my ear, and third, to show some graphic design work I've done recently.

Oh, wait... that was three things. Well, I guess the llama will just have to wait.

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #49

2008-04-10T05:56:00.001-06:00

Art is not a thing; it is a way.
Elbert Hubbard

No wonder people ask for directions while looking at some fine art.
Cluster T. Uva

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #38

2008-04-07T23:48:00.003-06:00

So here's how this joke goes... There was a cyclops, a wooden barrel, and a guy that balanced glasses of water. And... Oh, wait. That's not how it goes. Never mind.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #37

2008-03-31T21:50:00.002-06:00

In emergency situations were you are confronted with an aggressive bear, the best thing you can do is hold still, stay silent, and do arithmetic in your head.

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #48

2008-03-27T09:16:00.003-06:00

Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.
Cecil Beaton

Which means "Take close-up pictures of Silly Putty."
Cluster T. Uva

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #36

2008-03-24T23:41:00.004-06:00

Get plenty of fiber in your diet.

Blender Cowboys are a dying breed.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #35

2008-03-17T21:55:00.006-06:00

With the cost of gas going through the roof, I've decided to come up with a better way to get around. The automobile is alright, but how about...
The Air Powered Unimobile! That's right, it runs on air! And how lucky we are to live on the only planet in the solar system with air! What are the chances?!
If you ever find yourself confronted with an alien destined to be destroyed with nuclear armaments in front of a stilt-walking hippo coming out of an old western saloon, I can guarantee that you will find true love in a Circle K the very next day.

Makes toast in half the time!

2008-03-14T21:46:00.005-06:00

And now another action-power-hero... guy... in black...

Note: I unknowingly used a "toast" reference in the titles of these two posts. Is that freaky or what?

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #300

2008-03-10T22:00:00.004-06:00

Well, it's not really our 300th Staff Meeting Sketch (it's really #34), but it is our 300th post here on P.D.o.G.U.! Wee-haw! And to celebrate, I'd like you, my faithful reader(s), to leave 300 comments about the following two staff meeting sketches.

This is the 300th trip by this guy to Earth, and, remarkably, his 300 cattle mutilation.

Whale have never been very good at Horseshoes. Yet they've tried 300 times to get it made an official Olympic event.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #33

2008-03-03T23:17:00.003-07:00

This is a...wait a minute... uhh... OH! This drawing was because... no... I think... Oh, I can't remember why I drew this. Here's a happy, bouncing bean.

Balancing yourself on one hand alleviates most forms of dry knee-cap syndrome (DKCS) which plagues most of Europe, Asia, and Wyoming.

However, getting a bear with a floating hat to balance on a chair only gives temporary relief. And the bear gets annoyed after a while.

And now presenting the first and only 2 letter forms for the new font entitled "Staff Meeting." It will sell for $300, and comes with every thing you see here! What a deal!

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #47

2008-02-28T22:37:00.002-07:00

Stay clear from lethargic Bomatarts

2008-02-27T21:48:00.004-07:00

The Northern Stilt-leg Bomatarts are curious creatures. Not only can they see better at night thanks to abnormally large eyes, but they also posses the unique ability to explode whenever they get bored.

The Ugliest "Cute Pig" in the World

2008-02-26T22:08:00.000-07:00

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #32

2008-02-25T22:22:00.006-07:00

It's a proven fact that if you run with your tongue dangling out of the side of your mouth, you can run 18x faster. Try it!

Another little known fact is that dragons were not the main cause of knight mutilation back in medieval times. But, in fact, it was giant fuzzy hair-balls that were the culprits.

I'm pretty sure that this is the first time in the history of the world that these shapes and lines have been arranged in this fashion. And you saw it first right here! (And you thought checking out this blog each day was a waste of time.)

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #46

2008-02-14T21:54:00.003-07:00

Here's a little bit of red Silly Putty for all your Valentine's Day needs! Hubba, hubba!

The "eyes" have it.

2008-02-13T21:32:00.002-07:00

I think these guys are thinking the same thing I am... That is one bushy eyebrow!

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #31

2008-02-11T21:41:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pieces of advice I thought of during our staff meeting.

Learn how to karate a bowling ball in half. You never know when a rogue Brunswick will come slamming into your path.

If you ever learn the secret to turning your hair into helicopter blades, get your own infomercial and start rolling in the dough!

No matter how much you like birdseed, never stop and eat a bowl of it in the middle of the desert between two cliffs, lined with bushes, with a string attached.

If you come across a couple of chairs talking, do not sit in them. They may actually be people that were turned into chairs by an evil wizard. And it would just be rude.

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #45

2008-02-07T14:11:00.001-07:00

To an engineer, good enough means perfect. With an artist, there's no such thing as perfect.
Alexander Calder

There's no such thing as reality with an artist, either.
Cluster T. Uva

Illustration Friday: Blanket

2008-02-06T11:33:00.000-07:00

Hey you! Yeah you... Next to the carrot!

2008-02-05T23:35:00.000-07:00

There I was, just doodling, when I turned around just for a second... and then my pen was gone. Poof! Vanished! I figured one of these guys took it while I wasn't looking, so I lined 'em up to see who looked guilty.

Hmmmm... Any thoughts on who it might have been?

I'm thinking it was the thimble...

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #30

2008-02-04T23:14:00.001-07:00

While I was in the staff meeting, I was trying to think of what would be the best things to draw after you fail to post anything for an entire week, as well as the best things that would help celebrate reaching a milestone of 30. Well, I felt a little silly after realizing it was so obvious to draw...

...a squatting, thick brow monster with a light bulb...

...3 stick pigs with party hats...

...a near sighted snake...

...and a turtle with a growth on his back resembling a jet.

Hope this isn't all too cliche for you.

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #44

2008-01-24T22:52:00.000-07:00

What do you see in each of these Silly Putty Close-Ups?

I can only count up to seven now.

2008-01-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

Here's a drawing of the most feared predator in my house. You see, No matter how many times it has tried to eat me, I can't resist the lure of cookies in a cookie jar. Ooooohhh, and it knows this. And... it...

I need to go get a cookie. Just a second...

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #29

2008-01-21T22:42:00.001-07:00

And now, it's every bodies favorite game... "Find a garbage can and dump it on your bed!" Tonight, Ralph found his garbage can behind the butcher shop! Let's see what happens!

Or better yet, let's ask Madame Futurina and see what she can tell us about tonight's events! Just don't stare too close into the crystal ball.

Oh! Well, it looks like she sees a furry little woodland creature come out of the garbage can! Isn't he the cutest! I think we should make him our new host. Tune in next time to see more garbage dumping excitement!

Get 'em while they're hot!

2008-01-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

There's always a catch whenever you see or hear the words "Free!" I personally enjoy seeing the retailers who give you something for "free"... after you buy $800 worth of stuff from them! But this guy looks like he wouldn't fall for that.

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #43

2008-01-17T00:00:00.000-07:00

A mystery no more

2008-01-15T22:04:00.000-07:00

As Dan had mentioned in his comments a couple posts ago, there have been some strange ghosted images in some of my sketchbook posts. Well, you found me out. The gig is up. The cat's out of the bag. The cucumber has left the garden. Here, I present to you, are the images behind the images...

You got the Peanut Butter right, Mr. Dan. But you misinterpreted the lovely Jelly for french fries. I get those mixed up at lunch time too.

Go ahead... Go inside and see what is in there.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #28

2008-01-14T21:50:00.001-07:00

This poor fellow has a bad case of mono-brow-chin-be-gone-itus. I think there's something you can get over the counter for that.

Thanks to all the anatomy classes I've had, I can now draw a hand that looks broken.

I remember a song about men sailing across the seas and stinking and filling the kitchen sink with hair. Do you?

I'm currently developing a Flash cartoon about these two guys. For some reason, big, honkin' mouths make me laugh.

I'm up to 1,438.

2008-01-11T13:13:00.000-07:00

Hey kids, try this at home!... Walk around in an area where there's lots of people. While casually blending in with the crowd, eavesdrop on conversations until you hear a wonderfully crafted sentence. Write it down! Then, go home and draw a random scene. Insert the recorded phrase somewhere in the scene, and show it to your friends. Count the times your friends take pity on you for the poor mental health they think you are in. Repeat!

Silly Putty Close-Up Thursday #42

2008-01-10T12:27:00.001-07:00

This weeks Silly Putty Close-Up was chosen by the hard working team over at I Want Moe Attention. They seemed pretty excited about choosing this one, but I'm not sure why... Can Mr. Eagle-Eye Dan figure out why?

Beside myself

2008-01-09T09:28:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are... new dreams, new goals, new resolutions, new limbs,... happy new year everyone! Since we hear at P.D.o.G.U. are committed to above average-ness, we are going to make 2008 one to remember. That means more posts, more videos, more sketches made in meetings, more putties that are silly, and maybe even the return of the ever popular poll! But I think the best news is that I have reached an agreement with the Union Leader over the National Organization for More P.D.o.G.U. Posts (N.O.M.P.D.o.G.U.P.). So please, stop picketing in front of my house, and go back to your daily lives.

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #27

2008-01-07T22:12:00.000-07:00

After staff meetings, we have a little game called "How wide can you open your mouth and eat everything on the table." I'm not sure why it's called that... but the object of the game is to see how wide you can open your mouth and eat everything on the table. I've won twice.

Every once in a while, something jumps up and runs out of the room, screaming "The Horror! The Horror!" It was a bit disturbing at first, but after a month or two, I got used to it.

The second time that happened to me, I followed the bipedal pickle to a cool secret mountain fortress. I discovered other footed food planning an attack on the peaceful citizens of the world. I figured it was my patriotic duty to eat them all. Now I have a cool secret mountain fortress!

I know what to say!

2007-12-19T09:22:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the Dans at the infamous Toy Museum, we now know what those guys were saying. Whew! I was worried that we'd never find out!

Monday Night Staff Meeting Sketch #26

2007-12-17T21:41:00.001-07:00

Here is an actual drawing of what C3P0 and R2D2 were going to look like in the original Star Wars movie, according to the recently published book, "Real true stuff about Star Wars that is really true and stuff." But then, some guy named Ralph did some paintings or something, and they decided to use those designs instead.